Stop telling his friends to talk to him about you. It provokes me when they ask about you from him. 

I think the concept of virginity was created by men who thought their penises were so important, it changes who a woman is.

About a year ago, I took a decision on allowing a guy ,who I thought we were in love, explore my genitals. Subsequent to that very day, I had always imagined as a teenager what it felt like to be penetrated, the mood, the action and everything I had read in Cara McKenna's book ' Willing Victim'.

My aunt who is a sex therapist had told me not to reveal my virginity status to anyone. These were her words 'If it feels passionately right for you to have sex and you're with the right person, just do it. But do not let him know because he'd feel he has the power to control you. And if at a point, you feel the relationship ain't working, you can always leave without feeling entitled or him feeling like he owns your vagina. The truth is you own your sexuality, let no one take control over it'

Fast forward, we've been friends for a few months then one night he asked me to be his girl, I told him yes that night, we kissed and I had my first sex that night. When we we're done, he asked if I was a virgin, I told him a no. Then something popped into my head, why does he care anyway if I am one or not?

You think it's love right?
It's your body chemicals playing tricks on you.
What's really happening in that hot relationship if it isn't love then?

Let's start with the term 'Limerance'.
Limerance includes a sense of being emotionally dependent on the object of your affections. You get devastated if these feelings and fantasies about the other person are not reciprocated which can border between extreme and elaborate.

Limerance isn't so much about commitment and intimacy, it's all about obsession about your partner.

Biologically, there's a chemical high that lasts anywhere from eighteen months to three years in a new relationship.

The first neurotransmitter chemical firing up in your brain when you're strongly attracted to someone new is phenylethylamine (PEA). A natural form of amphetamine, PEA floods the regions of the brain that influence sexual arousal. That's right! Now you know the meaning of being love struck, love addict or love junkie. So funny how my body has fooled me. I feel betrayed. *sobs*

Norepinephrine, a second euphoria - inducing chemical kicks in and stimulates the release of andrenaline causing your blood pressure to shoot up when you see or touch your beloved. PEA releases dopamine - the body's 'feel good' neurochemical - which helps in the production of oxytocin, called the cuddle chemical because it encourages bonding and attachment.


The powerful cocktail of brain chemicals creates a state of euphoria in new lovers. Intercourse and orgasm intensify the oxytocin production.

This series of event is not love - It's your brain that's high on some serious chemical shii. We just call it love when the couple exhibits all the physical signs of a neurochemical high. For example

• The lovers have glazed eyes only for each other.

• They might lose their appetite and their sleep patterns might be interrupted.

• Their typical refrain is ' I'm thinking about him or her all the time'

• Each wants to know every detail of the other's life and delights in the idiosyncrasies and eccentricities that will one day, probably sooner or later drive them crazy.

• They are obsessed with their object of desire : they want for the phone to ring, text to arrive and so on.

As the love song goes, ' you're not sick, you're just in love'. But that's not true - you're not in love, you're high. We are biologically wired to behave like crazy people when we're in the throes of those chemicals and we were culturally taught to label this behaviour love. But it's not love. It's lust, closely related by bonding-attachment to someone who might or might not turn out to be a good match.

What we call our desires is spontaneous lust, largely a function of those chemicals. Rather than simply enjoying this state of erotic being, we romanticize and overvalue it. So we go ahead and call it love in the notes and text you write one another but understand that real love happens over time.
When you get past the chemical high and discover your shared values and common vision for the future, you finally found LOVE.
But funny enough, these chemicals are the least understood physical phenomenon we all experience and that's a shame, because it has so much impact on the choices we make and the lives we lead.


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CONFESSIONS FROM THE MOUNTAIN (by_u.g_official)




I had an Epiphany recently,
Well until my epiphany I was very much depressed.
Although I hate to admit it because I used to have this mentality that feelings like that make you weak and I can't be weak
 My momma trained us to be strong
So I usually bottle up all my emotions
 Instead of accepting the things I'm feeling
 I'm the type to get  emotionally attached to the things I do
I've always done that subconsciously long before I knew the physiology behind it.
It's just the way I was built
Well, there is a price to being emotionally attached to the things I do.
It could lead to heart break if they fail
 But not being one who fails very often I haven't really tasted heartbreak like the type that was waiting for me.
 Well don't get me wrong, I've failed in things b4, and it broke my heart but my typical self with all his "strength"  didn't deal with the heartbreak, just bottled it up, continued life and succeed in other things
Unfortunately for me that bottle got filled up
It has been full now for about sometime slightly under a year
And I've been slowly seeping deeper into the pool of depression
I've been ignoring my "weakness" and masking my pain with a smile 😪
But I discovered something in my short life, in my search for happiness
I thought climbing to the top of a certain mountain  would get me "happiness"  or "fulfillment"
 So I set up to the climbing
 I sacrificed a lot 
And struggled,  endured... 
Finally I got to the top of the mountain
On getting to the top of the mountain I realized that that wasn't the "real"  top
 That was just a Bluff, a plateau
The "real"  top was covered by clouds so I couldn't see it from the ground where I stood so I thought the Bluff was the top
 Although I was sad but I didn't let that deter me
 I had my eyes on the prize
So I set about again, overcoming various challenges as I set out to the "real" top
 Using my emotions to fuel my motivation
It was long and painful and hard but I did get to the "real"  top
 On getting there I realized something that made my "bottle" explode and triggered my fall into the bottomless pit of depression
Are you still with me??
Well in any case I'd go on
I hope you don't judge or think I'm crazy 😅
 Well, what I realized on getting to the "real"  top was that what I thought was the "real" top wasn't the top of the mountain at all
 That was just another Bluff, another plateau
 I then realized that the mountain had no top
 No end
 And that means no prize
 It was an everlasting continuum
Continue all those trials? to what end? I asked myself
 What was the point of all my hardwor? all my sacrifice? all my preparation? training? knowledge?
  What was the point of climbing to the top of the mountain if there's no prize?
 I had given so much to climbing the mountain, realizing that there's no top and hence no prize, it broke me, broke my heart
I couldn't deal.
 So the depression set in,
Hurriedly,
It started with doubt,
Self doubt,
I was merely existing,
Just keeping up appearances for the sake of it,
I had lost my purpose,
I thought my purpose was the prize but there's no prize so, no purpose
I was just following life where ever it led,
 Luckily for me, it led me to my redemption...
That's why I felt I needed to tell this story so all those who read it may be redeemed.
 All those who feel lost may be found,
 Now where did it lead me to?
 It led me to my great epiphany,
 I realized on my way back from my recent journey that,
That that's just the way life is,
The mountain is life,
Never ending,
 There's no prize at the top,
You may ask why then, why keep climbing when you know that there's no top? no prize?
 Well, my answer is the same with any other mountain climber, because it's there
Not climbing climbing would mean not living,
 I realized that the prize is in the climb,
 I just have to keep going, from Bluff to Bluff, from plateau to plateau,
Using my previous skills learned in the previous climb to aid me with the new one
The prize is in the climb.  Now I understand the saying "the pursuit for happiness is never ending, happiness lies in the pursuit".


Thanks for reading through.

From A Guy's Perspective

So I came across a friend who explained to me how he lost his girlfriend. It was an interesting conversation and I want to share what I've learnt from it.

I once dated a girl unknown to me, I was emotionally blackmailing her. I loved her and she loved me too deeply. When I noticed how deep her love for me was, I felt very powerful. I found out that she can't bear to see me get angry at her or me ignoring her calls. So I graduated from being powerful to being proud.


I would tell my friends let's flash our girlfriends and see whose girlfriend would call back first. She always did and most times the first.
It didn't occur to me that she might not have airtime or she might be busy. All that mattered was she must call back.

I started using her love for me to blackmail her. I never knew it was cheap blackmail. If I ask her to do something and she didn't .I would sulk and keep mute and she would start to apologise. She would cry and cry.
I didn't know I was abusing her emotionally. I thought I was writing our love story.

 At the end, she left. I guess she got tired of everything.

Emotional blackmail is a special kind of manipulation tactic. A manipulator suggest to the conscientious victim that he or she doesn't care enough, is too selfish or has it easy. This results in the victim feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting , anxious and submissive position.

It's like someone pulling pulling your strings and having this control over your life by making you feel guilty for something you have done because they know you fear to lose them and you feel obliged to do or act on whatever they say.

But truly, control doesn't validate love. It validates the nonexistence of trust and painful unwillingness to accept the truth.

We all should learn that don't give too much to people, don't take too much from people hence you'll be a victim of emotional blackmail or you'd be an emotional blackmailer.

This doesn't happen in romantic relationships alone, it could be your friends, parents, pastors, boss or just anyone.
If you allow the people in your life make more emotional withdrawals than deposits, you'll soon find yourself in negative equity.

In fact, if you were meant to be controlled, you'd have come to earth with a remote.

The key thing is let's respect each others' feelings. Don't overdo things. Let the eqity be balanced.

Thanks for reading through.

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