AN OPEN LETTER TO MY EX
To the guy who broke my heart,
I fell for you. I fell really hard for you. You were the first person I let into my heart after 16 months, because I’d been broken before and wasn’t ready to be broken again. Little did I know that you’d hurt me more than anything I’d ever felt. Little did I know that every moment I spent with you meant nothing.
It took six months for you to show your true colours. Six months in which you let my feelings grow in which I look forward to whatever time I could spend with you. Six months in which I grew to love a version of you that wasn’t real. You showed me a version of yourself which I admired and adored. It’s a shame that version was a lie.
You told me you love me. You told me I was a blessing to you. You told me you were lucky to have me. You told me thank you for loving you back. You’d tell me everything like I was your best friend. Can you remember?
When I was unsure of the relationship, I asked if you really liked me and you said ‘Toke, I don’t like you, I love you’ Can you remember?
When I noticed the space between us and I complained I couldn’t bear taking too much space from you, you told me to hold on and believe that everything was going to be fine. I kept holding on, trusting and hoping, but you let go.
I thought love could sustain us through every fight and tears. I didn’t give room for other contenders and I was loyal to a fault.
I know I said I wanted a low key relationship and this is because of my personality. You kept me a secret from your friends so as not to hurt your girlfriend? Yes, I see you post her pictures every Wednesday. You told me she was just a friend. I believed you. On the contrary, I was never your WCW, well, I didn’t see that as a problem because I trusted you. My friends kept on telling me I’m your side chick and that you’re just using me. I ignored them all just because I believed you.
Then, one day, your girlfriend summoned the courage to let me know she’s your babe and even asked how many of your friends knew we were dating. It struck me like lightning. I had to push and pressure you to confess the truth and you boldly told me she’s your girlfriend. What took you so long? Clearly, my emotions do not matter to you. I now see you as cold hearted, insensitive and an entirely different being. How do you expect me to mend?
Those six months when I grew a connection with you just faded off. The only reason you gave was because I jump into conclusion and too fast to making decision and that I always acted like I am smart. Wow! If it was love, this could have been the least of our challenges. Why tell someone you love them when you can’t help them grow past a bad habit and think the best option is to leave them with their problems?
At the beach, if I’d known that was the last time I would see you as someone I thought I loved, the person I thought I knew. If I’d known you were about to show your true colours, if I’d known you were going to break me, I wouldn’t have put so much effort and dreamt big with you.
I let you into my life and I wish I hadn’t. You hurt me in ways I didn’t know you could. The tears have finished but I’m still filled with anger. I can’t wait for the day you’ll become a distant memory and I won’t remember what you sound like. I regret every moment you made me waste with you. You didn’t deserve me.
I would expect this off a 15 year old boy not a 20 something year old man. But you’re not a man and it took me so long to understand that. Your immaturity in dealing with this has shown that you have so much growing and learning to do and I hope that someday, you’ll learn how to treat a woman properly.
When I heal, I’ll be stronger. I’ve learnt things that I’ll take to future relationship. You’ve taught me valuable lessons and by breaking my heart, you’ve made me stronger than before, so for that, I thank you.
I hope no one hurts you in the way you’ve hurt me. I hope no one makes you believe that they love you and then end things out of the blues. I hope you don’t learn to trust someone and then discover they’re a completely different person. I hope no one breaks your heart like you’ve broken mine.
Someone advised that if I loved you this much, iI should fight to have you back. Yes, I know I didn’t even try to have you back because when she told me she loves you, I told her I was already done. Deep down, even you know this isn’t true. But for once in my life, I want to be fought for. I’m tired of fighting. I feel if you fight to have me back, you’d value me more, respect me and pay more attention to me.
You made me love a guy who never existed.
This is the end of the road for me and you. Farewell.