Is it love or emotional dependency?

September 12, 2017

Ever thought if you're in love with a guy/girl or the need to be with someone? 
Love is not neediness per say. Love is being able to see the good in other people and helping them reach their potential. Love is about trust, respect and being able to tolerate and accept each other's differences in order to maintain a healthy and intimate relationship. Though, it is natural to depend on one another but when it becomes and addiction or neediness, it isn't just right. 

Emotional dependence is when you are hundred percent dependent on your boyfriend or your girlfriend. It arises from the emptiness that is created when you abandon yourself and you expect your partner to fill your emptiness and make you feel loved and safe. 
In this situation, you make your partner responsible for your happiness, self worth and security. Without them you feel almost empty. 
It is horrible to rely on someone else for your happiness or anything that makes you feel good about your self. 
Honestly, you don't have to subject yourself to relationships that signify unhealthy clinginess and makes you devoid of self-sufficiency. 

Emotional dependence on your partner is so dangerous that when the other person which you are dependent on decides to move on without you, you feel crushed, heartbroken and your self esteem becomes shattered. You start start over thinking everything to death. The breakup would be a lot harder than passing your final exams. 

Below are signs that you are emotionally dependent and not in love. 

1. Your partner becomes responsible for your happiness, worth and safety. 
2. You feel terrified losing your partner especially if they don't call you often as they used to. 
3. You feel overly jealous and possessive of your partner especially when you see them with other ladies or guys. 
4. You basically can't do anything if your boyfriend/girlfriend does not approve. 
5. You hang out with your family and friends less just to spend time with him/her
6. You provide support for your partner even if it costs you your mental, emotional and physical health. 
7. You do not find satisfaction outside that particular person 
8. You idealize people, that is, you create a picture perfect idea about them even if they fail at most of them. 
9.You change your favourite sport team, religious practices and lifestyle just to suit a partner. 
10. You need constant reminder that your partner loves you. 
11. You feel like you can change your partner into someone you have idealized. 
12. You put your partner under pressure to do things you're comfortable with and it could also be vice versa. 
13. You feel impressed about how the person makes you feel. 
14.You recognise he does things you're not comfortable with but still choose to stay with him/her in spite of them. 
15. You feel bored, stressed out and sad if your partner is not around even if other people are around you. 

This is clearly not love. Love is about giving and sharing not about getting. When you love someone, you value them. You value the qualities that makes them unique individually, something that can never fade away. It's not always all about the looks, money and power but the deeper, enduring qualities of the heart and soul. 
You don't need your partner everywhere to be happy. You don't have to act like you own your partner or your partner owns you. It's a relationship not ownership. 

For you to know if you're in love, you have to love yourself first. True love only comes when you love yourself with your body flaws, your origin, weaknesses and your strength and being able to do so with your partner. When you love yourself, you're less vulnerable to what people say about you. If you don't love your self, you can never see or love the essense of other people. 
Loving your self increases your self worth and value. When you don't see and value yourself, you become emotionally dependent in your desire to get love. You need to think positively to be in love. 



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Thanks for your never ending support. 
With love. 

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