Dear Aunty X,
My boyfriend and I fell out recently. We had met on Instagram and texted a few times. I wasn’t in a relationship so I felt safe and sane going into one. At first, he was so caring. We had our first date in the outdoor of a 3-star restaurant. I started to notice some red flags. He brought a huge Bose speaker with him and played some music and smoked weed in my presence. At interval, he asked if I was ok with the music and if I didn’t mind him smoking. I couldn’t object to anything. He was incessantly smoking and he even offered a puff which I declined. I smoke but I don’t smoke in public areas or even among my friends. In fact, none of my friends know I smoke.
After about 2 hours, I left. We had a seemingly fine evening. My birthday was that same month so I had a beautiful birthday celebration courtesy of him. We went to a fine restaurant, food, wine, flowers, gifts, spa session and best road trip of my life. Should I add that, we don’t live in the same state so I had to travel down.
Afterwards, we took our relationship to the next level. I met his parents and siblings and they all seem to like me a lot at first. Later when we were already into each other, he suggested that I meet his prophet and suggested that I needed to go through a spiritual cleansing. It was weird but I listened. I went with him. We had a vigorous 3 days prayer. We prayed for wealth and blessings for our relationship. But one thing I got bothered about was that he wanted me to tell him if I’ve lived a rough past life. He wanted to know if I’ve had abortions, slept with sugar daddies, been to a orgy or even if I had a thing with a girl. I told him I’ve never had any of that and that I was pretty decent.
We had another session of spirituality where I was given a drink that made me feel dizzy and talked a lot. I think I was drugged just to get some information out of me.
Well, I stayed in the relationship cos he was heavily spending and was sponsoring all my trips. We go shopping once in a while and I was pretty sure everything was going to be all right. It wasn’t as if I didn’t like him. I did. I’m 22 and he’s 34.
After a while, he traveled. We were initially supposed to travel together but I was busy. He said he was going to sponsor my trip over there when I was done. Two weeks later, I noticed a decline in our conversation. It was so tough that I tried keeping up but I was met with nonchalance. After a while I gave up. That was our third month dating.
Later on I called him on phone and he said ‘You need to pay more attention to yourself, I’m a very spiritual person but since I met you I’ve been broke and my prophet told me you are the cause of it. You have a bad spirit and you need to work on it. My finances have been messed up. I’m never the one without money but since you came around it’s been crazy.’
This was the funniest thing I’ve heard in my entire lifetime as a woman. What the actual f*ck? This guy doesn’t have a real job. He is a yahoo boy. I asked him what he does for a living and he said he’s a street guy and stuff. This affected my self esteem and it’s been on my mind for so long and somehow hindered me from dating anyone else cos everything he said I believed it. I don’t know but I feel messed up and I can’t even imagine dating another guy because I’m afraid.
To be honest, this was interesting at the beginning and I had envisioned while reading that you would have issues with his smoking or addiction but spirituality? Girl don’t work yourself out. You are not the reason for his financial troubles. It has nothing to do with you. Playing the blame game is unhealthy, toxic and damaging. In this case, I strongly believe you might have exerted a lot of financial pressure on him from the hangout, shopping, restaurants etc. He did a lot to impress you which is great. Ps: I do not encourage suffer-head relationships. The truth is he is already broke from trying to impress you and needed to discharge you from his life. It’s no big deal, please move on. If he doesn’t want to have a relationship with you, you should step aside from his life and move on. God be with you. You are not who he believes you are. You are an amazing woman with a great life ahead of you. The only prayer you need is that you shouldn’t meet anyone who can’t be responsible with their finances or doesn’t meet your standards.
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