I Lost Her Because I Was Selfish

From A Guy’s Perspective

So I came across a friend who explained to me how he lost his girlfriend. It was an interesting conversation and I want to share what I’ve learnt from it.

I once dated a girl unknown to me, I was emotionally blackmailing her. I loved her and she loved me too deeply. When I noticed how deep her love for me was, I felt very powerful. I found out that she can’t bear to see me get angry at her or me ignoring her calls. So I graduated from being powerful to being proud.

I would tell my friends let’s flash our girlfriends and see whose girlfriend would call back first. She always did and most times the first.
It didn’t occur to me that she might not have airtime or she might be busy. All that mattered was she must call back.

I started using her love for me to blackmail her. I never knew it was cheap blackmail. If I ask her to do something and she didn’t .I would sulk and keep mute and she would start to apologise. She would cry and cry.
I didn’t know I was abusing her emotionally. I thought I was writing our love story.

 At the end, she left. I guess she got tired of everything.

Emotional blackmail is a special kind of manipulation tactic. A manipulator suggest to the conscientious victim that he or she doesn’t care enough, is too selfish or has it easy. This results in the victim feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting , anxious and submissive position.

It’s like someone pulling pulling your strings and having this control over your life by making you feel guilty for something you have done because they know you fear to lose them and you feel obliged to do or act on whatever they say.

But truly, control doesn’t validate love. It validates the nonexistence of trust and painful unwillingness to accept the truth.

We all should learn that don’t give too much to people, don’t take too much from people hence you’ll be a victim of emotional blackmail or you’d be an emotional blackmailer.

This doesn’t happen in romantic relationships alone, it could be your friends, parents, pastors, boss or just anyone.
If you allow the people in your life make more emotional withdrawals than deposits, you’ll soon find yourself in negative equity.

In fact, if you were meant to be controlled, you’d have come to earth with a remote.

The key thing is let’s respect each others’ feelings. Don’t overdo things. Let the eqity be balanced.

Thanks for reading through.

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